Professional Advice for San Jose, CA, Couples Who Have Warring Love Languages

At Therapy By Choice, we frequently see couples at our San Jose, California, office who feel unappreciated—not because their partner doesn’t care, but because they speak a different emotional “dialect.” When love languages clash, the message often gets lost in translation. One partner may crave words of affirmation, while the other believes actions speak louder than words. This disconnect can result in resentment and emotional distance.

How to Navigate Warring Love Languages

Here are some tips for relationships where partners have mismatched love languages:

1. Learn Each Other’s Language

The first step is awareness. Take time to identify and discuss your primary love languages, whether that’s quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, or physical touch.

2. Express, Don’t Demand

Rather than insisting your partner love you your way, share why certain actions make you feel valued and how much it means to you. Similarly, try offering love in your partner’s preferred language—even if it doesn’t come naturally at first.

3. Practice Flexibility and Patience

No one becomes fluent overnight. Recognizing any effort made and small changes your partner makes can go a long way toward building connection.

4. Seek Support When Needed

Working with a couples therapist or marriage counselor can help you and your partner unpack the emotional patterns and unmet needs behind love language conflicts.

Strengthen Your Bond Through Understanding

You don’t have to “speak the same love language” to make it work—you just have to be willing to learn. If you could use a little professional guidance, schedule a couples therapy session with Therapy By Choice in San Jose today to reconnect with purpose.